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Thread: A story I had to write, tell me what you think

  1. #1
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    A story I had to write, tell me what you think

    For school, i had to read a book and then do a report on it. For the last part, you got to pick a few activities and i picked to write a short story based on the theme of the book. Since Fahrenheit 451 is about the censoring of books, i did the censoring of internet. So i thought i would post it on here and see what you guys think. I think if i were to remove passive voice and fix up a few things, it could be pretty decent. Well tell me what you think (should i of put this in a spoiler?). And also, if there is any contest about writing stuff, like there is now but that ones christmas themed, would i beable to enter it?

    They said they would have a hard time censoring the internet. The year is 2030, and I got a pinprick in my thumb with a microchip in it. Not only does that chip allow them to track what I do, it also limits how much I can go on the internet, and the worst part, you need it to even turn on a computer. Nowadays, every site contains a rating next to it such as R, PG-13, and PG, depending on your age that chip will allow you to go to a higher rated site. Even if you are allowed to go to R rated sites, stuff will still be blacked out if it is inappropriate in any way that the government doesn’t want you to see. It all started twenty years ago, when they tried to shut down a few Torrent sites, and people started to go crazy because they could do anything they wanted to do without any problems. That one week, when atleast twenty Torrent sites went down, it proved that the government could censor what they want when they want. My name is Gui Ranyor and I’m one of the hackers that want to end this censorship they are doing, and our project is named “PirateBay”, after one of the sites that was shut down years ago.

    We are currently working on a project that “flashes” the chip they place in your thumb when you sign up for internet access. In this process, we make the chip think you are top secret government agent, therefore they don’t track what you do. You know all of those pesky rating I told you about earlier? They are all gone when you flash the chip, sound great doesn’t it? There’s two bugs we have not fixed yet, your thumb will always have a mild burning sensation after we finish, and sometimes the computer will not recognize your chip after you flash it.
    Back to why they started to censor the internet to the extreme they are today. Like I said, a few Torrent sites where shut down. The reason being, is that is what pirates would use to download stuff like music, movies, and games. Although those sites were shut down, people would just start to use other sites and there was still an incredibly large number of people using them. The reason they found out later was because of the recession, people could not afford to buy games, music, and movies and still pay for all of their utilities bills. After the recession was over, the numbers went back down to normal, and they decided to drop all the cases against the torrent sites they shut down and allowed them to reopen.

    As the sites began to get back up to what they were before they were shut down, another recession occurred at around 2020. This time, the numbers sky rocketed on the amount of people that were pirating, so the government decided to shut all the torrent sites they could. They had a special team of hackers to do this, I was one of them. At around 2025, people could set up a torrent site and get all of the torrents from the other sites as easily as telling their computer “Torrent”. In 2026, all internet was shut down, people were required to go to their service provider to get a microchip placed in their thumb and a new mouse to go with the computer. After they finished that, they reopened the internet, and anyone that tried to get a torrent, or make a torrent site would have their access cut off for one week.

    Skip four years later, just a few months ago me and a few friends quit the torrent removal team and we decided this censoring has gone too far. We immediately knew what we were going to do, and we started as soon as we could.
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  2. #2
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    You chose an interesting subject and I find the story to be decent. Be careful however about the whole torrenting story. The teacher might think you support torrenting and he/she might frown on it, but you be the judge.
    For the rest, just clean up grammar and some spelling mistakes (didn't check for them) and it should certainly receive a satisfactory mark.
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