ok, I will go out and see if I can scare up either a screwdriver or a cheap game cube controller locally.
Since I am unable to turn on the wii with the remotes it looks like it may be the Bluetooth module that is the culprit? If we assume the machine has not been modded on software nor hardware. Is there any other explaination for the remotes not to connect other than the bluetooth being defective?
dealextreme.com - around $1 for a set and they do free shipping.